


Janeway, Kathryn; Serial Number SO-782-472

by H4T08



Series: Behind the Door [16]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, Episode: s02e26 Basics Part 1, Episode: s03e01 Basics Part 2, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Past Assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-27 10:08:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13245984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H4T08/pseuds/H4T08
Summary: “Call me what you like, Kathryn, but in the end, it’s me who bared Chakotay’s child, not you.”Not being able to hold in her laughter, Kathryn cackles, “Is this why you brought me here? To have a pissing match over a man? Desperate and pathetic is not a pretty color on you, Seska.”An ugly shade of puce colors the Cardassian’s cheeks as her own anger boils to the top.** Chapters 2 and 3 are rated T for those who wish the heed the warnings **





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is something I’m a little nervous about. I have never written these kind of scenes before. 
> 
> This takes place throughout both episodes “Basics”. 
> 
> Please heed the warnings. Although there is nothing too graphic, if something like this is disturbing, then you should only read the second and third chapter. 
> 
> Also, if I got Janeway’s serial number wrong, please let me know! I just made something up, but if it is mentioned somewhere, I’ll be glad to change it.

“Well if it isn’t Captain Janeway, herself.” Clinging tightly to her child, Seska smiles a small smile as one of her Kazon cronies shoves the Captain through the door of Chakotay’s office. “Nice little bruise there. Cullah’s bite is actually more pleasurable than his backhand.”

Wrenching her wrists from the Kazon guard’s grip, Kathryn rolls her eyes, “What the hell do you want?”

Innocently shrugging her shoulders, Seska says, “Oh, nothing to strenuous. Just a little girl talk.”

“Fuck you.”

Whipping the Starfleet captain around, the guard slaps her with the back of his hand. “You speak to her with respect.”

Stumbling a bit at the unexpected blow, Kathryn chuckles when she gains her balance, “Just how many men are you fucking?” She receives another slap across her other cheek for her insolence, but it doesn’t stop her. “What, you thought you where the only one she was fucking. I bet you she has been servicing your comrades left and right.”

“Stop!” Abruptly standing from her chair just as her guard was about to strike the Captain again, she glances over to her guardian and demurely coos, “Metullah, be a dear and wait outside while I finish my conversation with the former captain of Voyager.”

Giving his woman a short nod, he dutifully steps out of the room without another word.

“Now his backhand is better than his bite.” Seska gently lays her child in the basket next to the desk as she sweetly adds, “And his tongue is sinfully delicious.”

“So in other words, the father of this child is still unknown,” Kathryn drawls.

“Oh, no, my dear Kathryn, I made sure Chakotay is the father. I do have to say, though, pregnancy has placed a certain need on my body, a need that is dealt with multiple times a day.”

Kathryn once again rolls her eyes, “Wonderful. Motherhood has turned you into a slut. Congratulations.”

Seska gives Kathryn a clever little smile, “Obviously it takes a slut to know a slut.” At Kathryn’s confusion, Seska silkily supplies, “The Cardassians pride themselves on their immaculate record keeping in and out of our acclaimed prison cells. Gul Morlak sent very timely reports of his interrogations with you and your former Captain.” She takes a deep breath as she clasps her hands in front of her chest. “I’ve got to say, he thought very highly of you.”

White, hot fury boils beneath her skin at her words. “Fuck you.” Pounding on the door with her fist to signal her desire to leave this infernal room, she grows impatient when it doesn’t open.

“At least I don’t hide what I truly desire behind rule books and duty.” She ticks her finger side to side, “Oh, don’t get me wrong, I disguised myself to infiltrate the Maquis, but I never denied what I truly liked.”

Kathryn rolls her eyes to kingdom come as she turns back to the Cardassians traitor. “Is that all you’ve got? Prison records from twenty years ago from a Cardassians Gul who couldn’t keep his small, disgusting dick in his pants and rule books?” At Seska’s maddening smile, Kathryn bitterly mutters, “You’re pathetic.”

“Call me what you like, Kathryn, but in the end, it’s me who bared Chakotay’s child, not you.”

Not being able to hold in her laughter, Kathryn cackles, “Is this why you brought me here? To have a pissing match over a man? Desperate and pathetic is not a pretty color on you, Seska.”

An ugly shade of puce colors the Cardassian’s cheeks as her own anger boils to the top.

Smiling a sinister smile, she knows she has Seska hook, line, and sinker. “What’s the matter? You couldn’t seduce Chakotay like you seduced all of these other poor chums, so you had to steal his sperm by what, a test tube? I bet, you probably couldn’t even get him hard.”

Fury throbs against Seska’s chest as she considers her next move. _I would like nothing more than to see her squirming body draped over this desk as my soldiers fuck her into obedience. Then again, her dead body would suffice as well, but Cullah would not be pleased. Yet…_ Her strained lips easily slides into a shit eating grin, “I’m curious if Chakotay’s dick would get hard if he knew the amount of men that has been inside you?”

Schooling her features to give an air of boredom, Kathryn rolls her eyes, “So what If he did? Why would it matter to him or to me?”

Seska throws back her head a laughs outright. “Oh, this is precious.” Standing from her chair, she shimmies her way towards Kathryn with an ‘l-got-you-under-my-thumb’ look in her eyes. Leaning in, she takes in a deep breath, “I can smell Chakotay on you from a million light years away. I bet,” their noses barely graze each other, “that you have been fucking him from the moment you trapped us over here.”

“It’s better than fucking every Kazon dick to remind you that you will never see your home again.”

She lets out another laugh, “No, Kathryn. I fuck every Kazon dick because I know that I’ll never see my home again and I’ve accepted my fate like a proud and strong Cardassian. Seeing you suffer will be my only reminder – a sweet one at that – that you will never see your home again.”

Tapping her badge, she commands, “Metullah, get in here.”

After a second of waiting, the door opens to the Kazon oaf who brought Kathryn in. Staring at Seska for his orders, he smiles a sinister smile when Seska nods her head. Pulling the cuffs from his holster, he grabs Janeway’s wrists and waits for further instructions.

Seska sashays up to the former Captain of Voyager, “Janeway, Kathryn. Serial number SO-782-472.” She runs her finger down her jaw. “Isn’t that what you used to say to Gul Morlak?”

She pulls her cheek away and snides, “Fuck you!”

Seska points to the desk behind her. “She’ll take it over here. She’s used to bending over and accepting punishment for her crimes.” Shoving Janeway towards the desk, Metullah then braces her hands behind her back as Seska begins to unzip her uniform.

Kathryn, for her part, tries to kick and shove her way out from their combined entrapment to no success.

Seska captures the fighting woman’s chin between her two fingers and sweetly murmurs, “Metullah loves a woman who can fight.”

Panic prickling her scalp at the implication of what’s to happen next, Kathryn tries to swallow past her fear with a sarcastic, “Oh goody, another man with a small dick to fuck a chained woman.” She peers over her shoulder, “Is that the only way you can bed a woman?” She tuts, “How sad.”

Ripping her uniform down her body, Metullah pushes her body over the desk as Seska chains her wrists to the leg with the handcuffs. “I hope her cunt is as tight as yours.”

“I think I’ll enjoy watching this,” Seska murmurs in Kathryn’s ear. “According to Gul Morlak, she likes it rough.”

Giving into this fate she had experienced before, she continues to rouse her captors, “As much as that disgusting Gul prettied up his reports, he never broke me. Oh, he was close,” Kathryn murmurs across the flat surface, “but it never happened. I was a bright-eyed little shit back then who knew nothing of the real dangers of our wilderness.”

Metullah grabs her hair and pulls her head back, “When I’m finished with you, you will beg for my mercy.”

Stealing a chance to take in her surroundings, she mumbles under her breath with a snort, “From your small dick… I don’t think so. Yours is peanut sized compared to Morlak.” She shrugs her shoulders with indifference as she looks back at Seska, “Chakotay’s dick is much larger and he doesn’t even need me to pawn at him to get it hard.”

Shoving her underwear down the length of her legs, Metullah positions himself behind her.

— Pew! Pew! —

Feeling the weight of a lack body fall upon her back, Kathryn remains still as she tries to assess the damage.

“What have I told you?” First Maje Cullah’s voice raises from the smoke of phaser fire.

Seska tuts as she captures her hip with her hand. “You promised me that I would get my piece of her.”

“Not like this!” His voice carries loudly across the room as he walks up to the desk. “Not when you can give her crew ammunition to stage a mutiny.”

“But, Maje–” Whatever she was going to say is interrupted by a cold hard slap against Seska’s cheek.

“I said no! Now dress her up and fix up her face. I will personally take her back to their detention cell.”

Bending down, Seska uncuffs Kathryn from the desk, “I guess some people don’t like to have fun.”

Adrenaline still pumping through her system, Kathryn shoves off of the desk and steps back as far as her confined ankles will allow. “It’s nice to know that you will never see the light of a Cardassian day again.”

“Put your clothes back on, Janeway,” Cullah demands before Seska can put in her own rebuttal.

Swallowing hard, for the first time since stepping in here, she remains silent as she pulls her uniform back on. 

Just as she zips up the front, Seska comes forward with a dermal regenerator.

Once her skin no longer marked with the harsh brunt of bruises, Cullah grabs the top of her arm and shoves her towards the door. Just before he triggers to opening, he calls back to Seska over his shoulder, “You will stay here. I will deal with you and him later.”

“I look forward to it, Maje,” Seska demurely answers back. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Captain, may I remind you that I am on duty during this watch and that you require rest.” Tuvok straightens his back when the Captain looks up from her makeshift weapon. “You need rest, Captain,” he softly reiterates, “I will come to wake you up in exactly four hours time.”

Her first reaction is to fight; to fight against what he is saying, to fight against the exhaustion cluttering her overworked brain, to fight against the urge the punch her fist through a rock with Seska’s face painted as the bullseye, and to fight against her underlying desire to curl in a ball and cry her eyes out.

Yet, clarity and logic once again punches through and she slowly nods her head in confirmation. With her adrenaline from the earlier part of the day gone, all she is left with is hunger and exhaustion.

As if he is reading her mind, Tuvok produces a thin piece of wood from behind his back and holds it out for her to take when she stands. “Mr. Nelix has also informed me that you had not eaten you dinner.”

Looking down at the plate of crispy worms still twitching along the plate, she swallows down her hatred once more and takes the plate from her Second Officer. Sending her silent gratitude for even this blessing, she tips the plate back and chews down her dinner. “Good night, Mr. Tuvok.”

Marking a trail with the moon’s ambient light as her only source to help guide her, she finds a small, dark corner within the surface of the rocks to serve as both her bedroom and her bed. Shedding her jacket, she lays it upon a smaller formation just before traveling a few meters down the hill to use the head.

Just as she returns back to her small corner on their new home planet, she sees him patiently waiting for her. As much as she tries to school her features into passive indifference, she can’t deny her hearts flippant excitement at being alone with him for the first time since their shared ride in the turbolift after returning from New Earth.

 _Still, duty first_. “Report, Commander.”

“All is well in our makeshift camp. All persons are accounted for. Little Naomi Wildman is still struggling to keep down liquids. Ensign Wildman is attempting to breastfeed, but is finding it more difficult to keep up her supplies without the amount of water needed.”

“Very well, Commander. We will continue our endeavor to reserve our limited resources. Please, have Ensign Monroe give her my water rations.” Settling down against the curve of the rock, she adds, “Keep me informed of any new developments.”

Staying rooted to his spot, he calls back, “I didn’t come here to give a report.”

She snuggles underneath the shell of her jacket, “Oh, really?”

Shucking off his own jacket, he covers her with it before sinking down next to her. “Mr. Tuvok has been rather diligent at keeping us apart.”

“Yes.” _Apparently, that is now a part of his job duties_. “As have I.”

“I see,” he threads his arm around her shoulders, encouraging her to lay her head down on him. “Go to sleep, Kathryn. I promise that I’ll be gone before he comes to wake you.”

 _I should tell him to leave, hell I should make it an order, but with all this chaos that surrounds my crew – **our** crew – I find that I physically can’t open my lips_. Laying her head upon his broad shoulder, she looks up towards the inky black sky littered with stars.

Instantly, they are both taken back to a planet devoid of human life. A planet so beautiful in nature, but dangerous in keeping it inhabited by a technology loving people. A planet, that after weeks of denying it, had become their home.

“I can see the Voyager cluster,” he murmurs against the crown of her head.

When she shifts her head further up, he points to the cluster of stars that resembles their ship. It was one of the many newly named clusters and constellations they had named on one of their many nights out onto the riverside. Feeling his warm breath caress her cheek, she tilts her chin to the side to capture his eyes. He’s so close. And, for once, her darkness cowardly slithers back into its corner.

Bravely lifting the crook of his finger to run along her jaw, he murmurs, “I miss you.”

“Me too,” her confession slips out from between her lips before she can reign them in. Just as she sees him lean in, she tilts her head back towards the sky. “We mustn’t. Someone will see.”

“You mean Tuvok will see,” he grumbles. Yet, despite her insistence on propriety, his arm squeezes tighter around her shoulder. It is then, in the moonlight with nothing to distract them, that he sees her slightly bruised flesh. He knows that Maje Cullah had struck her, but that had been the other side. “Who else had hit you?”

Feeling her skin prickle in panic, the memory of her encounter with Seska and Metullah filters through her mind. _With encounter after disaster the moment we landed on this planet, I was able to forget about the whole damn experience_. “Seska wanted to have a little chitchat.” She feels him stiffen at the name. “Her personal-guard-slash-booty-call wasn’t happy with some of things I said to her.”

Gently grasping her chin, he angles her cheek towards him and presses featherlight kisses along the line of her bruise. “Obviously,” he murmurs, “you were able to hold your own.”

She is glad for the cocky comment. _It’s better than pity or sorrow_. “I’d never seen someone turn so many colors,” she sighs as she takes pleasure in the way his hypnotizing fingers trail down her throat. “Green with envy, blue with depression, flushed pink with excitement, red with fury.”

His lips freeze just beneath the lobe of her ear. “Fury?”

Glancing at him, her eyes tick side to side, at war with herself if she should tell him what had transpired in his office.

“I assure you, the images in my mind are worse than what you are contemplating not telling me.”

Underneath the warmth of his jacket, she wraps her arms around his chest, taking solace in the rhythm of his strong heartbeat. “She had cuffed me while she commanded her man-servant to have his way with me.” _Janeway, Kathryn. Serial number SO-782-472_ , repeats over and over in her mind.

If it weren’t for her warm body pressing against his chest, he would have raged and killed all for the satisfaction of having warm blood on his hands.

She can feel his body tense and coil in anger as she lies her head in the crook of his neck. “Maje Cullah came in before anything could happen and killed Metullah on the spot.” In her subtle move to be closer, she had somehow slid into his lap.

He welcomes her lightweight frame as the simple repetitive act of threading his fingers through her hair comforts his need for revenge. He nuzzles his forehead along her shoulder, guilt and hatred electrifying every nerve ending on his body.

“I swear, if you apologize, then I will kick you.”

“How can… how can you…,”his emotions get the best of him.

“Because you didn’t betray us. You didn’t strike an alliance with the Kazon. You didn’t dessert us on this remote planet. And you certainly didn’t chain me to that desk to be assaulted.” She pulls back just enough to circle her arms around his neck. “All you did was to reach out to your son to give him a better life than what he currently has in front of him now.”

Guilt continues to drip deep down into the pit of his stomach.

Sensing the twitch in his tense muscles, Kathryn leans in and kisses his lips. Once, twice, three times before she can hear him sigh.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” he mumbles against her lips as his fingers trace along the back of her neck.

“No we shouldn’t, however–”

Whatever she was going to say is stopped by the crack of a twig.

“You should be resting, Captain.” Tuvok stands before them with his hands tucked behind his back as the two before him shuffle to put a respectable distance between them.

“Tuvok,” Kathryn begins.

“Commander,” Tuvok interrupts, “I will need your assistance in fashioning new tools.”

At first, Chakotay was going to refuse, but with the gentle nudge from the woman next to him, he lets go of his anger and stands. As she is about to give him back his jacket, he shakes his head, “No, you keep it for the night to stay warm.” Turning towards Tuvok, he walks past the Vulcan without a glance back.

“Captain, I feel I need to remind you–”

“That I need to keep my relationship with the Commander platonic and dull; yes, I know.” Turning towards the rock formation with a petulant huff, she throws over her shoulder, “I shall see you in two hours time, Lieutenant.”

Knowing when he has been dismissed, Tuvok turns back towards the camp to continue to watch over his charges.

“As the Security Chief and the surveyor of all Starfleet rules and regulations, I’m finding it hard to believe that you allowed her to be taken by herself to be interrogated by Seska and her henchman.” Chakotay pushes himself from the rock.

Turning towards his commanding officer, Tuvok says with just as much venom, “As the former Captain of the Maquis vessel and the First Officer of Voyager, I find it equally hard to believe that you would allow the Captain to lead us into this dangerous charade of finding your illegitimate child.”

Both men stand facing each other with arms crossed along their chests.

“And I can’t believe you two are getting into a pissing match,” Kathryn calls out from her perch between them. “What’s done is done. Let’s move on and make sure that **our** crew is still safe.” Not waiting for their permission, she throws the jacket to Chakotay before walking towards the camp with both men following close behind her. 


	3. Chapter 3

—Beep, Beep—

Tugging on the difficult sheet still wrapped around the corner of her mattress, Kathryn huffs out a frustrated “come” before getting back to the task at hand.

Stepping in through her quarters, Chakotay bypasses the chaos and mess that litters her floor to find her in her bedroom. “B’Elanna just sent her report. I thought you might want to read it.”

Finally freeing the bedsheet from its corner, she throws over her shoulder, “Paraphrase for me. I can read the details later.”

“Everything is up and running. Despite the Kazon’s heist and plunder, they were able to keep the Engineering department relatively up to date.”

“I wish I can say the same about my quarters,” she mumbles under her breath.

Yet, he caught it. “It looks as though they ransacked their way through all of the living quarters. In mine, all of my art has been damaged.” He quickly moved out of the way as she plows past him with her bedsheets. “Tuvok said that most of his meditation tools have been destroyed.”

Cramming the offensively smelling sheets into the recycler, she pushes the button with as much gusto as one would have at getting rid of something that reminds one of their tortured experience in a Cardassian prison. “I’m glad to see that you two have kissed and made up.”

Chakotay shrugs his shoulders, “We know our place when it comes to each other. He’ll continue to annoy me with his damn Vulcan logic while I’ll continue to remind him that I outrank him.” He grins something fierce as he walks up to her, “It’s childish, I know, but whatever.”

Feeling a small giggle escape her throat, she shakes her head as she surveys her quarters. “I think Seska took the pleasure of ransacking my quarters.” She takes a deep breath, “Is she off of our ship?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t hear the cheers when they ejected her body?”

“I was too busy singing ‘Ding Dong the Witch is Dead’ to hear it,” she dryly replies.

He doesn’t hold back the quiet snort. Shaking his head, he looks around and asks, “How do you know she was in here?”

Her nose pinches in disgust. “The smell. I once had to go undercover within the DMZ. Trying to escape detection, I slipped into a small club. It was a sex club and it smelled just like this.” _It was a lie, the whole damn thing, but telling him that I had been tortured and raped in a Cardassian prison would have opened up a whole new can of worms I can’t handle right now. Or ever._

He knew, by the smell as well, just who was in here, _but I didn’t want to bring up old memories on how I knew this smell_. “Must have been one helluva undercover mission.” He notices something dark and sinister crossing along her normally glittery blue eyes. “You would have been perfect in the Maquis.”

Doing everything in her power to rid herself of the memories of so long ago, she unzips her jacket and throws it on her dining table. “With everything that happened on the planet, I, uhhh, I never got to thank you for, uhhh, visiting me the first night.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” he murmurs down towards the carpet, “not since returning.”

She doesn’t need to ask from where. She knows. “I don’t sleep either.”

He can’t help but spit, “And yet we continue to torture ourselves all for the sake of an organization that is seventy thousand light years away.”

“Please don’t.” She refuses to look at him. She knows if she does, she would give in to her desires within seconds – _logic and Vulcans be damned._

He wants to shout how unfair all of it is. _We have been so unhappy. Work, being our only salvation, however, it can’t be everything. Not when we are so far from home in this wilderness with danger lurking from every corner_. He takes a deep breath, “Are you going to the funeral?”

Her brow furrows in confusion, “What funeral?”

He once again flashes his dimples, yet his smile doesn’t reach his eyes – _another repercussion from returning back to Voyager pretending nothing had happened between us_. “Seska’s. The way Tom and Harry had advertised it was, and I quote, ‘For our dear friend Seska, we will make sure to put the ‘fun’ back into ‘funeral’.’”

She rolls her eyes, “Those two rascals are too much.”

“That’s not all,” Chakotay’s smile turns into a genuine grin, “for Hogan, they had done research on the types of funeral processions in his native city of New Orleans on Earth. Apparently, instead of mourning, they throw a party and dance through the streets.”

“Is it wise to hold both funerals at the same time?” She scrunches her nose.

He shrugs his shoulders, “I’m not sure, but I heard through the grapevine that there will be a Seska dart board with Hogan and Prichard darts.”

The names of the two men – _good men_ – that were killed on the planet sits heavily on her soul. “Sound like my kind of party, but I’m going to have to pass.” She holds out her arms to show off the mess that still covers her quarters. “I want to get this cleaned up.”

“Wise,” he begins to shift from one foot to the other as he tugs down on his ear. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like some help?”

The soft lilt in his voice nearly has her bulking under the desire that she knows will follow if she allows him to stay. “No,” she shakes her head, “but thank you.”

For a moment – one, tiny moment – he thinks about marching up to her and ravishing her there on the spot, but he digs his toes into the soles of his boots to keep him moving towards her. Just as he opens his mouth to make his hasty retreat, he sees her teeth capturing her bottom lip. A fire, deep within his belly, ignites and courses through his body. “You drive me wild when you do that,” he huskily murmurs.

Pressing her lips together in a thin, white line, she mumbles an apology.

Screwing up his courage, he takes a step forward, “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” When she doesn’t look at him, he lifts her chin with the crook of his finger. “I want you,” he growls.

“Nelix to Captain Janeway. Will you be joining us for the funeral?” His abnormally cheery voice fills her quarters as the jazzy music muffles in the background.

Clearing her throat, she shakes her head, “Yes, the Commander and I will be there soon. We are just now finishing up on this Engineering report and are heading out now.”

“I will save a a few Hurricanes for the both of you when you get here.” With that, her communicator beeps with the end of his signal.

Stepping away from Chakotay, Kathryn gathers her jacket and slips it on. “We have to get going.”

“Fuck the party,” he threads both of his palms along the curve of her neck, “I want to make love you instead.”

With his warm hands around her neck, she can’t look away. “We…,” She takes a deep breath, “Come along, Commander.” She pushes herself away from his magnetizing touch, “we are expected.”

Rolling his eyes as he watches her walk into the corridor, he stamps down his fury as he follows her out. It isn’t until they are in the turbolift when he asks, “What’s a Hurricane?”

“A force of nature as far as I know,” she murmurs back just as the doors open. They can hear the party blasting from beyond the closed doors leading to holodeck. “Are you okay?”

“I will be in a few seconds, don’t you worry.”

She abruptly stops and captures his arm, “Chakotay…”

He squeezes his eyes for two seconds and then opens them. “I’m okay,” he sighs. Slipping his arm from her grip, he throws over his shoulder, “It’s all pretend anyways.” Before she can stop him any further, he steps under the sensor to open the door and disappears into the crowd.

Having no choice, she screws on a smile and follows him in.


	4. Chapter 4

_“Wake up, little girl,” the Cardassian slaps her cheek lightly to rouse her from her unconscious state._

_Her uniform has been stripped away from her body, leaving her to just her underwear. Gripping the chains that chafe her wrists, she clenches her jaw as she states over and over again, “Janeway, Kathryn; Serial Number SO-782-472.”_

_“I grow tired of hearing those numbers, Kathryn.” The Cardassian Gul paces back and forth in front of her with his hands tucked neatly behind his back. Just as she repeats her name and number, he snaps his fingers and two guards come through the door._

_Unchaining her from the wall, they drag her towards the center of the room. Clasping her wrists to the chains hanging down from the ceiling, they also spread her legs to strap her ankles down._

_“You remind me of a fish from your own home planet that I had seen in a book once before,” his pacing never ceases._

_“Janeway, Kathryn; Serial Number SO-782-472,” she repeats._

_He snaps his scaled fingers, “A starfish. You remind me of a starfish with its limbs all spread out.” He stops his pacing and gives her a sinister grin when she repeats her name and number._

_Snapping towards the guards, they open the door and bring in an older man._

_“Captain Paris, I presume,” he holds out his hand with an air of sophistication, “Gul Morlak, warden of this prison colony.”_

_Owen Paris spits on the outreached hand. Instantly, the brunt end of a cane crashes against his cheek._

_Pulling a crisp, white handkerchief from his pocket, he wipes away the saliva. “I have been trying to have a lovely chat with your ensign here, yet she, like you, has been uncooperative at giving me a reason as to why your shuttle was found in Cardassian territory.”_

_Giving his brave ensign an encouraging smile while looking over her bare body to see any signs of abuse, Paris says, “Paris, Owen; Serial Number SP-433-671.”_

_“You see,” Gul Morlak shakes his finger, “I knew you were going to say that.” He runs his same finger under her chin. “Such a shame. She’s very pretty and quite young.” Pulling down on the binders around her wrists, he stretches her out and locks it under a bar in front of him._

_Now, Kathryn is bent over, exposed and vulnerable to whatever means they can use to try and extract information. Swallowing past her fear, she looks up to her captain and gives him a slight shake of her head._

_One of the guards behind her unbuckles his belt and pulls his pants down._

_Gul Morlak glances over to the older man on the floor. “All you have to do is tell me why you were in Cardassian territory.”_

_Paris’ lips quiver as he weighs his choices as to what he should say. Just as the other guard rips away her underwear, he tries to pull away from the Cardassian holding him back. “No! Don’t! We were on a scientific study.”_

_Gul Morlak smiles. “You see. That wasn’t so difficult.” Turning to the guard, he give him a strict nod._

_“NO! I TOLD YOU! LEAVE HER ALONE!” Another guard comes out from the hall to help keep him at bay._

_His pleas, however, fall on deaf ears as the guard rams himself in her._

Pushing herself up, Kathryn flies out of her bed and runs straight to the toilet. As she falls to the hard ground, the stale stench of vomit stifles the air as she grasps the bowl for dear life.

_The smell, the sound, everything around me…_

Another wave of nausea has her doubling over and wretching.

_Janeway, Kathryn; Serial Number SO-782-472._

Her stomach churns and rolls as the memory continues to replay in her mind.

_I am no longer there. I am no longer there._ She keeps repeating over and over again.

Feeling the pit of her stomach calm, she glances up and pulls her towel down from the rack. Wiping her mouth, she stands on shaky legs just before the contents of her Hurricane drink disappears.

Splashing her face with some water from the sink, she tries to remember what had happened after walking into the holodeck.

_The party was in full swing. The jazz music was upbeat as most people were either reminiscing about Hogan and Prichard or were making fun of the Kazon hairstyles. Someone, Nelix maybe, passed me a drink._

Her stomach rolls at just the thought of the cheerfully red drink.

_God, how many did I have? My last count was at two, possibly three._

Despite the large headache piercing her temple, she rolls her eyes.

_Tuvok is not going to be happy. If my shoddy memory serves me correctly, everyone was drinking that crap._

She throws her towel down and walks out of her bathroom.

_And, yet, somehow I made it back here with my clothes still on_.

She stares at her bare bed for a long time as her nightmare replays over and over again.

_I shouldn’t have fallen asleep_.

Memories of both assaults nearly sends her back towards the toilet.

_My only saving grace;_ _the sight of Seska’s dead body._ _Fucking bitch will never bother us again!_

Stomping past her bed and the mess that still litters her floor, she walks out of her quarters. The ship is eerily quiet as she tries to figure out where she wants to go. Stepping into the turbolift, she paces back and forth until she calls out, “Deck Six.”

Pinching the bridge of her nose to help keep her equilibrium from teetering, she thanks the spirits that the trip is a short one. Walking past Holodeck One, which is thankfully quiet, she strides up to Holodeck Two.

Pressing in her authorization code to the program she shouldn’t even know about, she pops open the control panel and fiddles with some of the wiring. When she hears the doors open with the standard “you may enter when ready” greeting, she inputs her code again to erase evidence of her ever being there to begin with.

She carefully steps in and glances around the sparse forest as it leads down to the edge of the water. _I promised myself that I would never return here._

Removing her shoes and socks just as she crosses the thin line between soft grass and warm sand, she pulls one of the seats down to the waters edge and sits. She throws her head back and sighs as the glow of the moon caresses her skin. All the images, and nightmares, and memories both pleasant and disturbing disappears – as if the holographic moon is recharging her body’s will to fight against everything that has happened.

Taking a few deep breaths, she slowly opens her eyes to see how his progress with the canoe is coming along.

She had discovered not too long after returning from New Earth that he had created this little program. What started out to be a natural curiosity has now turned into a silent obsession. _Every time I come in here, there is always something new added. Every time I come in here, I feel closer to him than what is actually allowed. It’s rejuvenating and cowardly at the same time._

Glancing up towards the nighttime sky covered with stars of different shapes and colors, she can’t help but snort, _how pathetic._

Standing and making her way back to her shoes, she puts them on with a promise to never intrude on Chakotay’s private program again.

Marching out of the Holodeck, she decides to make her way to the bridge. _With the Hurricanes from the night before punching everyone in the gut, I expect to see the vein thumping along Tuvok’s temple within the first hour of our duty shift._

**Author's Note:**

> Love Seska’s character! She’s extremely devious (kudos to Martha Hackett) and I honestly don’t think Janeway would have put up with her shit.


End file.
